Peter:Hey Brian, there's a message in my alpha-bits, it says "Ooooooo"
Brian:Peter, those are cheerios.
Peter:Is your refridgerater running? If it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.
Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.
Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
Peter: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?
Chris: I don't think I like feet as much as you do.
Quagmire: Everybody likes feet.
Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane ...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers.
Quagmire: Hello?
UPS Woman: Package for Mr. G. Quagmire.
Quagmire: OK, hold on a sceond. [Shuts door, takes pants off, and opens door again]
Quagmire: I've got a package for you to... Alright!
Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?
Cleveland Jr: Honey comb big, yeah yeah yeah. It's not small, no no no.
Mayor West: MY GOD! Someones stealing my water!
Meg: But it just went down the drain.
Mayor West: The hit when you least expect it.
(Waters plant)
Mayor West: SHOW YOURSELVES COWARDS! I've spent $1000 dollars of the tax payers money trying to find these thieves and I'll spend $1000000 if thats what it takes!
Meg: You know, I think I have my story.
Mayor West: NO! WAIT! You can't print that! Thank god shes just a figment of my imagination.
Peter: There's gotta be an explanation for all this.
Brian: You want an explanation? God is pissed!
Cleveland: Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.
Posted by juniors8squad
at 9:39 PM EDT
