Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied
for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and
that was just for the quote!
yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her
face stopped the clock...
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength
laxatives and sold it empty!Are You Single?
- you must be, cos your mama still ugly as sin....
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have
to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her
incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles,
they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
she fell out of the
Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
Momma so Ugly that she's got her very own Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags
named after her...
Anything Yo's - So Ugly...
Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the
guard dogs shit themselves.
Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics
Yo Boss so ugly people go as him
Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
so ugly they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in his shower.
Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society
they turn off the CCTV cameras.
Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without
the need for a costume.
Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!
Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.
You cousin so ugly
that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask
Yo Girlfriend so Ugly, this Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe
refused to come out and play when she was on the PC...
Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie
Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!
Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
Yo' Father in law
so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...
Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on
the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?
Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts
and WON - oh, the dog came second...
Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.
Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.
so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin,
the Sun goes down.
Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.
older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he
comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse
and make it walk backwards...
Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???
Yo Mama's sister so ugly
that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3
so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.
Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering
making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair
Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...
doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!
Yo Mama So Stupid
she stole Free Loafs from the Bakers.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and
got a ladder...
she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on
a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide
by jumping off a Kerb.
she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my
computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
when I asked her
Are You Single?
- she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside
her you can actually hear the ocean
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The
Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning
Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel
she aks me what Jeans I wear. I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Wrangler???'
when I asked her to
purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
You Momma so Stupid that they even make Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags
she can understand
Anything Yo's - So Damn Stupid...
Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!
Yo Postman so stupid that
on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'
Yo teacher so stupid she
booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.
Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody
in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...
Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene
was another golf course.
Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.
Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.
Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler
Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone
Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.
Your kid bro so stupid he try
to strangle himself with his mobile phone.
Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...
Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.
Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition
of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama
Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps
cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...
Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to
Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.
Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W
Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.
Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.
Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets
Yo Girlfriend so Stupid it makes this Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe
look like Einstien's wife
Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest
Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!
Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes
at Stupid College.
Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo Sister's so stupid
she could trip over a cordless telephone.
Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him
Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.
Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.
so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.
Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me
a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!
Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999
Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait for the Postman
Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed
Yo Auntie so dumb her
weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'
Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail
mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!
Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section
with a fishing rod
Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!
Yo Priest so stupid I saw
him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield
Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice
so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...
Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid,
that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.
Your doctor's so stupid he
uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope
Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood
diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter
Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look
like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and
that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the
big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
she'd never ask Are You Single?
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily
Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works
as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Momma so Fat they named some Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags
Anything Yo's - So Fat...
Yo Grannie so damn fat, that if she was an Aeroplane, she'd be a Jumbo Jet.
so fat that he's half Scottish, half Irish and half American
Yo Wife so fat she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled,
Yo Priest so fat, when he bungee jumped he went straight to hell...
Yo Doctor so fat, that when
her Beeper goes off folk think she's backing up.
Yo Auntie so fat when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into
is the Dressing Room
Yo Bookie so fat he gotta buy clothes by the furlon
Yo Dentist so fat that when he burped
he blew out all yo mamma's teeth...that why she so ugly!
Yo Papa's so large when you climb on top of him your ears
Yo Father so fat that when he sat on a Rainbow skittles fell out.
Yo Sister so fat that even Richard Simmons
can't help laughing
Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.
Yo Father so fat he can't even tie
his own shoelaces
Yo Mama so huge that God created her...and on the seventh day rested.
Your Kid Sister so fat
the Japanese Sumo Wrestling squad had to turn her down.
Yo Girlfriend so Fat that this Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe
felt sorry for her...
Yo Star Trek fan so fat he make Riker's beer belly look 2 atoms thick
Yo Lawyer's so
fat...we're inside her right now.
Yo' Baker so freakin fat he masturbates when reading cookbooks
Yo Auntie so
fat that Weight Watchers threw her out for breaking the scales.
Yo Boss so fat that when she calls a board meeting
she has to pull herself up a Sofa.
Yo Air hostess so fat that on a scale of 1 to 10 she a 747.
so fat he hasn't seen his feet for 10 years
Yo Bro so fat that when he farted, Mars came out...and I ain't talkin bout
You Nana so fat that when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60 foot tidal wave.
Music teacher so freakin Fat that she whistles Bass
Yo Postman so fat he got his very own Post Code
so fat she's on Both sides of the family.
Yo Girlfriend so fat I ask her to go get a Curry and she bring back 80 pounds
Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.
Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress
for a maxipad
Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry
Yo Sister so fat she
got a new job DJ'ing for the Ice Cream Van.
Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.
Dog so fat that when you take it 'walkies' it don't know whether it walking or rolling
Your Mommas so fat, when it
says All you can eat it still ain't enough.
Yo' Astronomer so fat she plays pool with Venus....and Neptune...and pluto...and...
Yo Moma So Poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and
calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper
she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television
on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to
the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down
the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
she couldn't even afford this free registration
to DreamMates - Are You Single?
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered
- "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on
her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"
once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and
tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner
I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
You Momma so Poor it took her 10
years to pay for a 5 dollar Crazy Prank & Hilarious Gag
Anything Yo's - So Poor...
You're so poor even Beggars give you money.
Yo Grannie so damn poor she bounces
Your Teachers so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.
Yo Priest so poor he uses cardboard
and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.
Yo Doctor so poor, he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.
You family so
poor you's live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.
Yo sister is so po...shit, she can't even afford them last 2 letters!
Dentist is so poor she uses white-out/tippex as your tooth filler.
Yo' Cleaner so poor she can't afford a mop - she
stands on her head in order to mop the floor...
Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the
'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya!
You Star Wars friend so insanely poor that I walked into his house, asked
to use the bathroom, and he handed me a shovel saying: "May the force be with you."
Yo Father so poor that when I aks
him what for dinner, he take off his shoelaces and says - Spaghetti!
Yo older sis getting so poor she's planning on
getting married...just so she can get the rice at the wedding.
Your lecturer so poor he uses his cardboard box as a
Yo' so poor, you get more government handouts than an English farmer
Yo' best friend so poor he
have to fart just to get a scent (cent).
Yo Gossiping wife so poor she can't even afford to put her two cents into
Yo Girlfriend so poor that this Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe
looks like a Million dollar princess next to her
Yo Grannie so poor that when I asked her what's for dinner, she tried
to throw ME in the oven!
Yo' Mommy so poor I went over for dinner, saw 3 beans on the table...took one and she said
- "Don't be greedy!"
You Auntie's so poor she gotta live in a 2-story Dorritos bag...
Yo big brother so freakin
poor I stepped on his old banged up skateboard and he yelled - "Get off my F****in CAR"
Yo Computer geek friend so
poor he uses a Commodore 64 to surf the web.
Your pimp so poor he just bought an imitation
of a fake Rolex
Reverand so poor the congregation run over animals outside the church just to help with food...
Yo Gardener's so damn
poor that when I pissed in his yard he thanked me for watering the lawn...
Yo Mama's so damn poor, her front porch
matt says 'Wel'...
Yo dirty old brother so poor that if yo Poppa didn't cut holes in his pockets at Xmas he'd never
have anything to play with...
You so piss poor...hold on, you don't have a pot to piss in or even a window to throw
it out of...
Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - "Who turned out the
Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I
ask what they're for and she says: "Use one to hold up the ceiling...use the other to fight off the cockroaches..."
half-sister so damn poor even the Republicans were willing to give her welfare.